Which questions should a beginner use...?

[silverfox]

I have recently read 'Metaphoirs in mind' in detail and wondering which questions to use initially with a client. My concern is that i don't want to do any harm if i don't recognize the various stages that unfold and ask the right question. What advice can you give me for beginning with a client? I guess what i am asking is what do i do if i get STUCK!!


kind regards

Lee (aka silverfox)
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[phil]

Hi Lee


I have recently read 'Metaphors in mind' in detail and wondering which questions to use initially with a client. My concern is that i don't want to do any harm if i don't recognize the various stages that unfold and ask the right question. What advice can you give me for beginning with a client? I guess what i am asking is what do i do if i get STUCK!!


First I must say I very much appreciate the fact that you are careful to consider the potential impact on clients of untrained use of the processes described in the book 'Metaphors in Mind'.

Now to your small questions that open up a big topic! Here are some small answers then a few big ones.

Little answers

Which questions to use initially/beginning with a client?
In coaching or therapy we generally use:
'Where would you like to be?'
'Where would you like me to be?'
'And what would you like to have happen?'
What do I do if I get stuck?
With Clean Language there's always somewhere to go. If you know what you're doing, you won't get stuck. I don't mean to sound cute or complacent - what I mean is that if getting stuck is a concern for you, maybe this is something you would be better sorting out before working deeply with clients. I don't know what level of training you have or what kinds of clients you work with so it's hard to be specific.

Addendum: If we consider the metaphor of the facilitator 'getting stuck', it presupposes that the facilitator is trying to get somewhere and then gets stuck. In Clean, the client is the one trying to get somewhere (in this metaphorical sense). The facilitator may be like a companion on the client's journey, travelling the same road to the client's destination, as it were. If the client gets stuck, then the 'gets stuck' is what gets explored next.

Big answer

I guess the best advice anyone could give you is 'get trained first' before you start seriously using Clean Language and Symbolic Modelling as a stand-alone therapeutic process.

That way you will have the resources and some experience to help guide your choice of questions. I believe you're currently based in Australia and I do know that Penny and James (authors of Metaphors in Mind) will be seeing clients and doing some kind of introductory training in Sydney in January/February 2009.

From here on, I'm talking more generally, Lee, not just to you.

The value of Clean Language lies in its use as part of a coherent, crafted process which takes some learning and practice to do well. No single Clean Language question (CLQ) is any more powerful than any other question in our language. Individually, most of the questions occur naturally in normal conversation. Every day, millions of restaurant serving staff across the world say: 'Is there anything else?' People grouped around story-tellers say: 'What happens next?'

These are ordinary questions - and in Clean Language they have a specific purpose and are used in an out-of-the-ordinary way. Metaphors in Mind is a book about one such way.

At the same time, 'Metaphors in Mind' is not a psychotherapy training manual. Reading it does not (and does not aim to) train anyone in working with clients. So if anyone is reading this who is not already trained as a coach or therapist and is seeing clients, I would strongly recommend you seek training in the basics of working with clients - and certainly before you start using Clean Language and Symbolic Modelling as a stand-alone process.

That said...

... given that the questions are already published and widely available and probably being used in many different scenarios, below are some tips for how to start being cleaner in your everyday conversations followed by a few more ideas for those of you determined to do changework without training (I don't advise it).

I'll post separately on some tips for trained therapists who want to start using clean approaches alongside the models they use already.

Cleaning up your conversations

Imagine you are in conversation with someone close to you and you want to show that you respect them and to make sure they have space to be heard (it could happen!): how can you help that happen by being clean in your communication?


Some suggestions and points for you to consider:

Be clear with yourself what your intention is for this conversation -do you want to hear them or for them to hear you or both? When you are not speaking, are you listening or just waiting to speak?
If you are being Clean with someone else and they are not being Clean with you, how do you want to deal with that? Do they know you are intentionally doing this? Do you expect them to be Clean with you? Do they: a) know how to be Clean and b) want to be Clean?
If you use their words, use their exact words - don't paraphrase, reframe or guess.
Check your own assumptions - does what they say mean what you think it means?
If you need to clarify what the other person means, keep your questions clean of your own assumptions - this is where the Clean questions come in handy. Be clear with yourself - are you asking to genuinely find out more information about their world view or are you using clean questions as a veiled challenge?
Pay attention to your voice tone and your gestures and body posture - are your words Clean while your body is indicating a different intention?
Show by word and deed that you accept without reservation that their world view (even when it clashes with yours) is as true and valid for them as yours is for you and that neither of you has a unique grasp of The Truth.
Remember that 'Yes, but...' can come across as meaning 'Yes, I know you think that, but what I think is more important and more right' - in other words, 'No'.
'Yes... and...' used honestly allows two world views to coexist.
Allow the other person time to think - let them complete their sentences. When you can see they are still thinking, give them the time and space to do so.
Clean changework prerequisites

If you are not a trained facilitator and intend to facilitate someone to make changes despite what we have said about getting trained, as well as the above, consider these additional points to those above:

Ask yourself why you are doing this? Who wants them to change? Do they? Or do you?
Get permission from the other person first - uninvited coaching or therapy by untrained individuals is abusive and a sure way to getting some surprisingly strong feedback!
Establish what your client wants to have happen - and ask only questions which help them find out more about that - that is, don't delve into problems if this is unfamiliar territory to you.
You are not trying to change anybody - just help them explore what they want and how to get it.
Just use a few Clean Language 'developing' questions, like like 'And is there anything else about..?' and 'What kind of..?', used with the other person's words to encourage them to explore their own experience and report it aloud.
Use the client's exact words if you use them at all.
Have an exit strategy before you start - Know what to do if you or the other person does not want to continue. How will you end the session? When will you end it?
Know what to do if you or the other person becomes upset or unhappy. If you don't know what to do in these circumstances, don't start.
Know when to give up.
Don't say we didn't warn you to get training!
I hope these tips (aka opinions!) are useful. Others, please add your suggestions too.

Remember, cleanforum recommends that people get training in any of David Grove's processes before using it professionally with clients.

Phil

[silverfox]

Thank you Phil for your detailed and helpful reply. I am a therapist with a background in classical NLP and solution-focused counseling and have moved away from language patterns like sleight of mouth in recent times finding it too externally driven in terms of how you can create change. My ideas of therapy has evolved over the years and i am feeling now that change should arise from within the system naturally and organically which is why the interest in clean. I shall utilize your suggestions and go on some training next year. I actually know James and Penny from way back in 'old' NLP days as they trained the year before i did.

Anyway, thanks again Phil


Lee
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[phil]

Thanks Lee. I see you already have therapy experience, so much of what I have said you already know. And perhaps others exploring working cleanly will find it useful too. Cheers

Phil

[Nancy]

Hi,

I regularly use Clean in business and team work settings (e.g. working with groups of long term unemployed people). In these settings I don't have their permission, nor would it be appropriate to 'therapy' them!

However, I get great mileage out of asking for brief metaphors around a specific subject. For example,
"when you're really confident, it's (or you're) like what"?
"If this meeting were to be ideal for you, it would be like what"?

Then no more than 4 simple questions - what kind of, is there anything else about, what happens just before / next, where,

These can develop the answer enough for the person to begin processing on their own. It's a light touch but it can really shift, for example, MY understanding of how that person wants a meeting, or THEIR ability to access a confident state.

It's sometimes just nice to be able to ask questions that you know will clarify and find out more rather than influence or direct! Even my husband will testify to that.

Enjoy!