caitlinwalker
14-03-2008, 08:03 PM
This is a report from one of our (Dee Berridge and Caitlin Walker) early clients who came to us suffering from chronic back pain. I think it illustrates beautifully the mindbody connection:
Caitlin
Having been treated in every medical way possible it was exciting to me to try and make a difference to my health through talking.
I was at a stage where I had a good grasp of what physical activities I needed to be doing in order to keep myself in minimum pain and maximum mobility. I wanted to discover why motivation was such a problem for me. I thought if I could discover why I lose motivation after an initial bout of enthusiasm, then I could change things in such a way that means I continue to move forwards.
I was stuck. It felt pointless filling my life with exercise if it did not change the level of my disability. I drew pictures of my progress over the last few years and discussed what I was working towards. I realised in doing this that all the pilates, yoga, exercise and walking that I felt I ought to be doing was not going to lead to an improvement in the one activity I find most difficult – sitting.
I could map routes towards long walks through short walks, I could envisage reducing pain levels through yoga and meditation but I could not map a route that realistically lead to an ability to sit I would love to sit comfortably though a film, a play, a meal in a restaurant or a pub lunch, but could not work out how to get there. This made me understand my lack of motivation to lead a health obsessed lifestyle that did not lead to my goal. It also reduced my feeling of guilt and my erroneous belief that my back problems are due to my lack of commitment to any exercise programme.
Another aim for me was to move towards decisions about where to live and what to do in the future. I slowly realised that living in London was not working and probably not workable for me. I am isolated by my inability to sit, and as a result I stay at home more and sit even less.
I made a decision to leave London and for the first time in many years I can imagine being able to sit again. Living near family and friends provides the incentive to do regular short drives and small manageable outings. I can imagine a route to sitting that I have been unable to envisage for so long.
Given my outcome of understanding my lack of motivation, I have found the answers. Implementing the changes is more difficult but I am happy with my decisions and excited about the future. I am far more optimistic now than for many years.
Changes.
My metaphor for my back going into spasm is damp, cold and metallic, sharp and about the size of a hand. The damp is a protective mechanism gone wrong, a mix up of messages going to my brain. I felt that before the metaphor work if I got the feeling that my back might go, trying to tell myself it wouldn’t didn’t completely work, although I did have some level of control over the spasms. I know that the fear and anxiety I have about the spasms contributes to their onset and that it was really worth looking at this relationship.
During the metaphor therapy the damp became hand protecting and supporting my lower back. This did not feel like a contrived way of changing things, more like identifying something useful that I’ve sub-consciously known about all along.
The effect over the following few weeks was quite dramatic. I was convinced that this new confidence in the level of control I had gained would protect me. Several times I got to the first stage of spasm but instead of thinking “oh no its happening again” I’d feel and think about the hand and remember how supporting it can be.
I had a set back when Poppy, (daughter aged 2) jumped on my back and I really expected to end up laid up in bed. I didn’t actively dismiss the metaphor but I did forget about it and (of course) as I expected I ended up having to have bed rest.
In the next session (quite a time later) we extended the metaphor and the hand became two hands – this feels stronger than before and I told myself out loud that whatever happens (even being jumped on) the hands would still be there supporting and even healing. This is still working for me.
Progress so far.
If I use the metaphor of climbing a mountain (clichéd, I know). Before our sessions I was setting off up the mountain not knowing how far up I’d make it, hoping not to fall, trying my best, falling off and then blaming myself for not doing it right. My friends and family were in various places along the way, some saying “come on up, its such fun”, some saying “don’t you come up here, you’ll fall and hurt yourself” and some offering to stay at the bottom with me.
I now feel that I’m still at the bottom of the mountain, but I’m putting safety ropes in place, I climb a little way and then climb down again rather than pushing myself until I fall. I’m not blaming myself for my position. I’m surrounded by mountains of different sizes and degrees of difficulty, I may choose to climb a different one altogether. I might climb a little way up a mountain, stay there a while and check out the view, the other mountains and surrounding areas. That way I can plan properly where I want to be.
Other changes
Knowing that I can prevent those very severe spasms, simply by knowing I can, has given me a greater feeling of control in my life. It enables me to make decisions that are not entirely based on the likelihood of everything going wrong. Of course I still consider “worst possible scenario” but I also consider complete success as an option. Having had a caesarean section with my first baby I was reluctant to go through surgery again. I’d already decided to try another way second time around but after the work we did I had a new faith in my body. I was much more willing to believe B****, my midwife, when she told me my body was capable of giving birth, whatever my back felt like.
My decision to have a natural water birth was one with which I was comfortable and confident. I believe it was this confidence, that however long it took, I could labour at home without medical intervention.
The metaphor work opened my eyes to the power of having the courage of my convictions.
I am sure that having such a fantastic experience and immense physical achievement behind me will stand me in good stead in the future and give me reason to have faith in my body.
Thank you for that.
Caitlin
Having been treated in every medical way possible it was exciting to me to try and make a difference to my health through talking.
I was at a stage where I had a good grasp of what physical activities I needed to be doing in order to keep myself in minimum pain and maximum mobility. I wanted to discover why motivation was such a problem for me. I thought if I could discover why I lose motivation after an initial bout of enthusiasm, then I could change things in such a way that means I continue to move forwards.
I was stuck. It felt pointless filling my life with exercise if it did not change the level of my disability. I drew pictures of my progress over the last few years and discussed what I was working towards. I realised in doing this that all the pilates, yoga, exercise and walking that I felt I ought to be doing was not going to lead to an improvement in the one activity I find most difficult – sitting.
I could map routes towards long walks through short walks, I could envisage reducing pain levels through yoga and meditation but I could not map a route that realistically lead to an ability to sit I would love to sit comfortably though a film, a play, a meal in a restaurant or a pub lunch, but could not work out how to get there. This made me understand my lack of motivation to lead a health obsessed lifestyle that did not lead to my goal. It also reduced my feeling of guilt and my erroneous belief that my back problems are due to my lack of commitment to any exercise programme.
Another aim for me was to move towards decisions about where to live and what to do in the future. I slowly realised that living in London was not working and probably not workable for me. I am isolated by my inability to sit, and as a result I stay at home more and sit even less.
I made a decision to leave London and for the first time in many years I can imagine being able to sit again. Living near family and friends provides the incentive to do regular short drives and small manageable outings. I can imagine a route to sitting that I have been unable to envisage for so long.
Given my outcome of understanding my lack of motivation, I have found the answers. Implementing the changes is more difficult but I am happy with my decisions and excited about the future. I am far more optimistic now than for many years.
Changes.
My metaphor for my back going into spasm is damp, cold and metallic, sharp and about the size of a hand. The damp is a protective mechanism gone wrong, a mix up of messages going to my brain. I felt that before the metaphor work if I got the feeling that my back might go, trying to tell myself it wouldn’t didn’t completely work, although I did have some level of control over the spasms. I know that the fear and anxiety I have about the spasms contributes to their onset and that it was really worth looking at this relationship.
During the metaphor therapy the damp became hand protecting and supporting my lower back. This did not feel like a contrived way of changing things, more like identifying something useful that I’ve sub-consciously known about all along.
The effect over the following few weeks was quite dramatic. I was convinced that this new confidence in the level of control I had gained would protect me. Several times I got to the first stage of spasm but instead of thinking “oh no its happening again” I’d feel and think about the hand and remember how supporting it can be.
I had a set back when Poppy, (daughter aged 2) jumped on my back and I really expected to end up laid up in bed. I didn’t actively dismiss the metaphor but I did forget about it and (of course) as I expected I ended up having to have bed rest.
In the next session (quite a time later) we extended the metaphor and the hand became two hands – this feels stronger than before and I told myself out loud that whatever happens (even being jumped on) the hands would still be there supporting and even healing. This is still working for me.
Progress so far.
If I use the metaphor of climbing a mountain (clichéd, I know). Before our sessions I was setting off up the mountain not knowing how far up I’d make it, hoping not to fall, trying my best, falling off and then blaming myself for not doing it right. My friends and family were in various places along the way, some saying “come on up, its such fun”, some saying “don’t you come up here, you’ll fall and hurt yourself” and some offering to stay at the bottom with me.
I now feel that I’m still at the bottom of the mountain, but I’m putting safety ropes in place, I climb a little way and then climb down again rather than pushing myself until I fall. I’m not blaming myself for my position. I’m surrounded by mountains of different sizes and degrees of difficulty, I may choose to climb a different one altogether. I might climb a little way up a mountain, stay there a while and check out the view, the other mountains and surrounding areas. That way I can plan properly where I want to be.
Other changes
Knowing that I can prevent those very severe spasms, simply by knowing I can, has given me a greater feeling of control in my life. It enables me to make decisions that are not entirely based on the likelihood of everything going wrong. Of course I still consider “worst possible scenario” but I also consider complete success as an option. Having had a caesarean section with my first baby I was reluctant to go through surgery again. I’d already decided to try another way second time around but after the work we did I had a new faith in my body. I was much more willing to believe B****, my midwife, when she told me my body was capable of giving birth, whatever my back felt like.
My decision to have a natural water birth was one with which I was comfortable and confident. I believe it was this confidence, that however long it took, I could labour at home without medical intervention.
The metaphor work opened my eyes to the power of having the courage of my convictions.
I am sure that having such a fantastic experience and immense physical achievement behind me will stand me in good stead in the future and give me reason to have faith in my body.
Thank you for that.